I don’t know about you but I find myself getting more than a little angry when other people pass judgments on my life and the way I run it. What I seem to object to the most is that maybe I will do something for my own good reasons and consciously (of course), but the other person doesn’t know about my reasons and doesn’t think to ask. Instead of asking the right questions before passing judgments many people I know jump in with wild accusations as to why I did or didn’t do a certain thing, and why I didn’t do it their way? Shouldn’t you have done this? Or that? “You should have said this” or “said that”.
Pardon!!! Am I an imbecile with no brain? Do I not look as though I’m an intelligent person who knows what to say? It happens all the time, someone wants to be my mother and I am supposed to be the child and do as I’m told!!! What? at my age? Yes actually. Don’t be under the illusion that the older we get the less people boss us around or allow them selves to be judge on our life. Perhaps people think I am more senile now? That’s possible I suppose, but I’m not (as far as I know)
You might think this subject very strange coming from me, but I’m as human as the rest of the world and make mistakes like everyone else, so I also doubt myself if someone judges me. May be I’m insecure, but I don’t think so.
I think it’s some sort of control issue when someone tells me how to think, what to say and what to do. I have to say in my own defense that I am not a judgmental person at all because I never know what drives people in their actions, but for sure they will have their reasons for their behavior. I am assuming the action was conscious one, but given everything I have written on this site about conscious awareness, I suppose it is very possible that some actions are reactions are not, but I don’t know anything for sure. I have a motto, if I don’t know, I don’t judge. I don’t think it’s clever, so unless I have all the facts, have listened I don’t pass comment or judgment. I am not a judge, have made enough mistakes in my life and therefore refrain.
Whatever the reasons are I know I have no control over the other person, and who am I anyway to decide on what is right or wrong for someone else? Who am I to dictate to another how they should live their life? It’s hard enough living our own life, let alone interfering in someone else’s.
I have reached the point where I respect that others have the right to choose what they do in their lives, but I want the same respect back. I want someone to ask me before they pass judgment on me, why I did as I did, was their a reason? What drove me, or maybe they would like to say that they would like to understand why I did as I did? That would be nice.
But no, it doesn’t happen to me. I have had this happen four times this week. Each time the person assumed they have all the information they need to decide I acted badly, or rather, not as they would have. Who says they are right anyway? I don’t know because it’s all a matter of perspective in daily life issues don’t you think? Yet others don’t seem to see that either. Why must my perspective be like the other person’s?
If I’m supposed to think like them, then perhaps I could demand the same, that they act like me, but that wouldn’t be true to myself as I don’t feel I have the answers to everything in this life, not by any stretch of the imagination.
When someone judges you, do you ever wonder where their wisdom comes from or even if they have wisdom enough to be a judge? Is it a reaction I wonder? Do others feel they have to pass judgment or comment instead of just listening wisely?
As it happens I pride myself on listening wisely.. just listening and not passing judgment unless I am specifically asked for my opinion, which I often am. Even then I am very careful, I try to see the situation through the eyes of the other rather than my own. It isn’t about me after all, it’s about them and thankfully I have the skill of listening without bringing myself or one of my stories into the conversation. That is not to say I don’t have plenty of life stories, I do, too many, but they are mine and theirs are theirs.
Yesterday for example a friend called me because she said she wanted to know what happened in a certain saga that is going on in my life at the moment, but within a minute the focus had switched to her and a similar story in her life. That went on for about ten minutes. I was bored out of my mind, and why had she called exactly?
Finally she told me I should do X Y and Z as they had done?????????????? Sorry? The story wasn’t the same anyway and I knew how to handle my story. Why did she call? I’m sure she thought she was being helpful, but she didn’t think. She wanted me to do as they had and really she didn’t give herself time to listen to me at all so how could she know anything. She also wanted t offload.
I don’t always know the right thing to do and if I don’t I am not afraid to ask, but I will ask a person whose mind I trust and respect, I don’t want advice pushed down my throat. I am sure she did what she did with good intentions, but I had wanted her to listen and she didn’t. Maybe she needed the 5 minute exercise? There’s a judgment for you!!!!
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