I don’t know about you but I find myself getting more than a little angry when other people pass judgments on my life and the way I run it. What I seem to object to the most is that maybe I will do something for my own good reasons and consciously (of course), but the other person doesn’t know about my reasons and doesn’t think to ask. Instead of asking the right questions before passing judgments many people I know jump in with wild accusations as to why I did or didn’t do a certain thing, and why I didn’t do it their way? Shouldn’t you have done this? Or that? “You should have said this” or “said that”.
Pardon!!! Am I an imbecile with no brain? Do I not look as though I’m an intelligent person who knows what to say? It happens all the time, someone wants to be my mother and I am supposed to be the child and do as I’m told!!! What? at my age? Yes actually. Don’t be under the illusion that the older we get the less people boss us around or allow them selves to be judge on our life. Perhaps people think I am more senile now? That’s possible I suppose, but I’m not (as far as I know)
You might think this subject very strange coming from me, but I’m as human as the rest of the world and make mistakes like everyone else, so I also doubt myself if someone judges me. May be I’m insecure, but I don’t think so.
I think it’s some sort of control issue when someone tells me how to think, what to say and what to do. I have to say in my own defense that I am not a judgmental person at all because I never know what drives people in their actions, but for sure they will have their reasons for their behavior. I am assuming the action was conscious one, but given everything I have written on this site about conscious awareness, I suppose it is very possible that some actions are reactions are not, but I don’t know anything for sure. I have a motto, if I don’t know, I don’t judge. I don’t think it’s clever, so unless I have all the facts, have listened I don’t pass comment or judgment. I am not a judge, have made enough mistakes in my life and therefore refrain.
Whatever the reasons are I know I have no control over the other person, and who am I anyway to decide on what is right or wrong for someone else? Who am I to dictate to another how they should live their life? It’s hard enough living our own life, let alone interfering in someone else’s.
I have reached the point where I respect that others have the right to choose what they do in their lives, but I want the same respect back. I want someone to ask me before they pass judgment on me, why I did as I did, was their a reason? What drove me, or maybe they would like to say that they would like to understand why I did as I did? That would be nice.
But no, it doesn’t happen to me. I have had this happen four times this week. Each time the person assumed they have all the information they need to decide I acted badly, or rather, not as they would have. Who says they are right anyway? I don’t know because it’s all a matter of perspective in daily life issues don’t you think? Yet others don’t seem to see that either. Why must my perspective be like the other person’s?
If I’m supposed to think like them, then perhaps I could demand the same, that they act like me, but that wouldn’t be true to myself as I don’t feel I have the answers to everything in this life, not by any stretch of the imagination.
When someone judges you, do you ever wonder where their wisdom comes from or even if they have wisdom enough to be a judge? Is it a reaction I wonder? Do others feel they have to pass judgment or comment instead of just listening wisely?
As it happens I pride myself on listening wisely.. just listening and not passing judgment unless I am specifically asked for my opinion, which I often am. Even then I am very careful, I try to see the situation through the eyes of the other rather than my own. It isn’t about me after all, it’s about them and thankfully I have the skill of listening without bringing myself or one of my stories into the conversation. That is not to say I don’t have plenty of life stories, I do, too many, but they are mine and theirs are theirs.
Yesterday for example a friend called me because she said she wanted to know what happened in a certain saga that is going on in my life at the moment, but within a minute the focus had switched to her and a similar story in her life. That went on for about ten minutes. I was bored out of my mind, and why had she called exactly?
Finally she told me I should do X Y and Z as they had done?????????????? Sorry? The story wasn’t the same anyway and I knew how to handle my story. Why did she call? I’m sure she thought she was being helpful, but she didn’t think. She wanted me to do as they had and really she didn’t give herself time to listen to me at all so how could she know anything. She also wanted t offload.
I don’t always know the right thing to do and if I don’t I am not afraid to ask, but I will ask a person whose mind I trust and respect, I don’t want advice pushed down my throat. I am sure she did what she did with good intentions, but I had wanted her to listen and she didn’t. Maybe she needed the 5 minute exercise? There’s a judgment for you!!!!
Conditioning and consciousness: How conditioning interferes with rational thinking and HOW consciousness can change that
In the first two articles I wrote about the importance of consciousness and also touched on the problem of Conditioning. I want to talk about it at this stage because as you will see as we go on, conditioning is a central influence in the course of depression and anxiety/stress related states. If you aren't informed, and don't address this important issue early on then the videos won't make much sense to you, neither will they be able to help you.
From the moment we are born the process of conditioning begins. As we get older and gather our experiences, so we become more and more conditioned. It happens to all of us and happens unconsciously and for much of the time we even welcome it. We like to be on familiar ground because I suppose we feel more in control of our lives than when we are on unfamiliar ground. I know I do. The ironic thing is this, yes we feel on familiar ground, yes we feel more in control, but actually when our conditioning takes over we actually are far from in control, the conditioning is.
We all know the story of the man who drove to work unconsciously and suddenly found himself in his parking space at work not remembering how he got there. Well he was able to do that because he was so conditioned that his unconscious mind took him to work while he thought about and worried about the world economic situation and how to pay his mortgage.
It sounds quite clever and magical, but actually for much of the time conditioning is TOXIC. It is toxic because for much of the time we react totally in relation to how we have been conditioned rather than appropriately for the situation.
Thinking in a conditioned way is a real problem because in a conditioned state we aren't actually consciously thinking, we are reacting according to our conditioning. Chances are that the reaction will not be appropriate for the situation. It may have been appropriate once, but unless we test it we don't know if it is appropriate this time. Trusting our conditioning is a mistake, because it is never conscious thinking.
Conditioning means we don't have to think, we simply follow the conditioned thought, feeling or behavior, don't think twice about it, we just do it. If we don't actually think then we aren't actually conscious and if we aren't actually conscious how can we consciously decide whether or not what we are doing or thinking is right ? The thinking process simply passes over us and although we don't know it, we are not in control, our conditioning controls us and the situation. This is not where we want to be, especially if we suffer from depression or any sort of anxiety/stress related problem. We want more control over ourselves, not less, yet here we are a thousand times a day allowing our conditioned mind to rule what and how we think, behave and feel. The sad thing is half the time we aren't conscious enough to even realize it.
Depression and anxiety/stress are difficult enough to handle in their own right, let alone also having to deal with conditioning.
You can find out if your life is or is not dictated by years of conditioning. Try asking yourself the following questions to get an idea.
Q: In stressful or depressing situations do you usually react in the same way you have a hundred times before?
Q: Or do you consciously think about whether or not that particular response is appropriate in the new situation?
Q: Does it mean that because a certain response was right once, that it is automatically appropriate in every similar situation?
Q: Or are all situations unique requiring of us to rethink every time a fresh?
Q: On a scale of 1-10 where would you come in terms of living your life through a conditioned window?
Write your answers down and take a good conscious look. If you have been living your life through a conditioned window it's never too late to change. Conditioning will have been very instrumental in the on going development of your depression or anxiety.
Let's take for example a conditioned thought: "I feel depressed again, it's hopeless". Maybe you had that same thought a hundred times after becoming depressed. It is so second nature, so much what you expect that you just accept, yes I am depressed again and yes it's hopeless. Every time you go there, you reinforce the same thoughts, not because you have consciously thought about it, but because your conditioned mind clicked into place and the message arrived in your head without any encouragement from you. Your non conscious, conditioned mind just stepped in and went straight to that conditioned place.
Conditioning is easier than consciously thinking, but whereas a conscious mind will question a thought, a conditioned mind will not. The conditioned mind believes that when you are depressed it will be hopeless, because your conditioning says so. If on the other hand you become conscious, aware and realize that much of your thinking and reactions are the result of your conditioning and you want to change you can.
Hopefully you have already watched the video tutorial on conditioning, but if not please do as it’s a very important component to the program, as is every other tutorial.
From the moment we are born the process of conditioning begins. As we get older and gather our experiences, so we become more and more conditioned. It happens to all of us and happens unconsciously and for much of the time we even welcome it. We like to be on familiar ground because I suppose we feel more in control of our lives than when we are on unfamiliar ground. I know I do. The ironic thing is this, yes we feel on familiar ground, yes we feel more in control, but actually when our conditioning takes over we actually are far from in control, the conditioning is.
We all know the story of the man who drove to work unconsciously and suddenly found himself in his parking space at work not remembering how he got there. Well he was able to do that because he was so conditioned that his unconscious mind took him to work while he thought about and worried about the world economic situation and how to pay his mortgage.
It sounds quite clever and magical, but actually for much of the time conditioning is TOXIC. It is toxic because for much of the time we react totally in relation to how we have been conditioned rather than appropriately for the situation.
Thinking in a conditioned way is a real problem because in a conditioned state we aren't actually consciously thinking, we are reacting according to our conditioning. Chances are that the reaction will not be appropriate for the situation. It may have been appropriate once, but unless we test it we don't know if it is appropriate this time. Trusting our conditioning is a mistake, because it is never conscious thinking.
Conditioning means we don't have to think, we simply follow the conditioned thought, feeling or behavior, don't think twice about it, we just do it. If we don't actually think then we aren't actually conscious and if we aren't actually conscious how can we consciously decide whether or not what we are doing or thinking is right ? The thinking process simply passes over us and although we don't know it, we are not in control, our conditioning controls us and the situation. This is not where we want to be, especially if we suffer from depression or any sort of anxiety/stress related problem. We want more control over ourselves, not less, yet here we are a thousand times a day allowing our conditioned mind to rule what and how we think, behave and feel. The sad thing is half the time we aren't conscious enough to even realize it.
Depression and anxiety/stress are difficult enough to handle in their own right, let alone also having to deal with conditioning.
You can find out if your life is or is not dictated by years of conditioning. Try asking yourself the following questions to get an idea.
Q: In stressful or depressing situations do you usually react in the same way you have a hundred times before?
Q: Or do you consciously think about whether or not that particular response is appropriate in the new situation?
Q: Does it mean that because a certain response was right once, that it is automatically appropriate in every similar situation?
Q: Or are all situations unique requiring of us to rethink every time a fresh?
Q: On a scale of 1-10 where would you come in terms of living your life through a conditioned window?
Write your answers down and take a good conscious look. If you have been living your life through a conditioned window it's never too late to change. Conditioning will have been very instrumental in the on going development of your depression or anxiety.
Let's take for example a conditioned thought: "I feel depressed again, it's hopeless". Maybe you had that same thought a hundred times after becoming depressed. It is so second nature, so much what you expect that you just accept, yes I am depressed again and yes it's hopeless. Every time you go there, you reinforce the same thoughts, not because you have consciously thought about it, but because your conditioned mind clicked into place and the message arrived in your head without any encouragement from you. Your non conscious, conditioned mind just stepped in and went straight to that conditioned place.
Conditioning is easier than consciously thinking, but whereas a conscious mind will question a thought, a conditioned mind will not. The conditioned mind believes that when you are depressed it will be hopeless, because your conditioning says so. If on the other hand you become conscious, aware and realize that much of your thinking and reactions are the result of your conditioning and you want to change you can.
Hopefully you have already watched the video tutorial on conditioning, but if not please do as it’s a very important component to the program, as is every other tutorial.
Choosing how we think, feel and behave
If you are a person who suffers from depression, stress, have panic attacks, have low self esteem, anger management problems, then you may feel the title of this article is rubbish and that I don’t know what I’m taking about.
If you do feel this way and I understand those feelings very well, please read on and see if you feel the same by the end of the article.
Firstly, let me say that I do know from first hand experience as well as professionally. Yes, I have suffered from depression and quite serious depression a long time ago and know all about the title and may even have rubbished it myself when I was younger and less knowledgeable than I am today. Today I am much older and fortunately wiser than back then when it was very black and white and cast in stone for me.
My beliefs were the following:
• If I am depressed I am defenseless against it.
• If I am depressed I have no control over the awful negative thoughts in my head that I believe are right anyway.
• If I am depressed I am doomed to a life of negativity because that’s how it is in depression and I have no control over it anyway.
• If I am depressed there is nothing I can do to change my situation.
• If I am depressed I can’t change the way I think, feel or behave, the depression makes me that way and I must accept this as being the way it is.
These were my negative thoughts on my own depression and in those days I believed them. I believed it was my destiny to endure the pain and isolation depression brings with it.
I was wrong!!
My depression was “Reactive Depression” rather than chemically based depression, meaning I would become depression in reaction to certain situations. A bad thing would happen and I would plummet, time after time into wretched depression full of negative thinking, emotions and behavior. I would think doom and gloom. I would feel wretched and want to hide myself away from the world because my mood was so bad. I believed there was no escape from this, which made me feel a hundred times worse. This is what depression can do to us, right? makes us a little crazy.
However, when I was not depressed and was fine I could see another truth. I saw others who had similar experiences to mine who were not in the same state of depression as me. I wondered why and how could this be so? Their perception of the situation must be different to mine if they are fine. My perception clearly wasn’t the same as theirs. One of the things I quickly learned was that there is more than just one truth, more than just one way to see life and what happens to us, and because there is more than one way, more than one truth that explains why different people react differently to any given situation I knew it didn’t need to be this way, all negative.
Of course I also knew it is also dependant on other factors, but one basic truth must be if it is not a chemical problem, that we, each of us individually choose how we ourselves perceive and react to any given situation. That little truth is surely universal?
I wasn’t always depressed, just in those times where something very negative happened and I seemed to have no control over my negative reaction to it.
Let me just say here that Chemical depression is one thing, and reactive depression is another. Mine was definitely the second as many depressive states are. You would need to find out whether or not your particular depression is chemically based or not.
Having a genetic predisposition to depression may account for why some people react more negatively than others to negative situations, but undoubtedly negative situations like loss of any sort, losing a job, which in this day and age is contributing to the number of people suffering from depression. Losing your home, partner, a friend, a pet or even negative input from another can all contribute to the plummet into a depressive episode. For me it was losing a number of babies that was the trigger for me. Over a number of years I lost a lot of babies and we also lost a lot of pets. I don’t know why it was like this, but it was. It was all very depressing and each time I reacted to these situations by becoming depressed.
I would feel I was the only person in the world who suffered this fate as well as the depression that followed it. I became a negative person, seeing the world, my life and my fate in an unhealthily negative way. It was exhausting for me and tiresome for those around me. In fact in the end I distanced myself from people and situations, and they from me. I don’t know which one came first actually, them or me. Even though I was married and had my son, it was a lonely existence which only deepened my depression even further.
It all changed of course. It was a phase in my life, brought about by the repeated loss, but I learned a great deal, hands on so to speak.
There are many reasons why people become depressed. Life can be difficult and unfair, especially in this day and age. It often leaves us understanding little about why we have to go through so much pain and misery in our life.
Over time I saw for myself that people in similar situations to me (miscarriage) did not react in the same way as I had. Their rationale was different to mine. Their perception was different to mine. I should add that all this was before I became a psychologist.
I knew deep inside me that there must be a logical reason for this difference, but in those days believed it was “my makeup’ and that I was doomed to depression. They (for whatever reason) were lucky enough not to experience the same feelings as me. It was destiny one way or the other.
One day however I had a revelation. I suddenly realized that it is not what happens to us that’s important in terms of our well-being within that situation. Rather, it is HOW we perceive the situation and how well or badly we respond or react to that situation that becomes the deciding factor in relation to our mood and thinking.
I suddenly came to the understanding that I and I alone chose how to be. I alone allowed myself to stay in negative mode. I chose how to think, how to feel and how to behave and react to these situations when they arose. It was not a comfortable realization.
I realized that I was my own worst enemy when I was depressed because instead of helping myself out of my plummeting mood and the depression that became a part of it, I allowed it in without resisting it, without fighting it and without telling myself that my mood, my thinking, my reactions, my emotions were purely up to me, no one else on the outside, just me. This was before my days of CBT unfortunately.
I realized that in some mad way I chose to stay in the state of depression. I chose to live in it, in that state. I could choose differently, but didn’t.
I was so used to being depressed by now that it felt as though I really had no control over any of it. If a bad situation arose I would be straight there, my mood would drop like a ton of bricks leaving me in a place that by now I knew so well.
I was brought up in different times than those of today. I was brought up to believe others are responsible for making me better and that we have little say in the matter and even less control. In those days that kind of thinking was quite normal in our family. How absolutely wrong that attitude is.
Today a far healthier view is taken, which is that we individuals can be very instrumental in our own well-being. That we can choose and make things happen for ourselves and that we don’t have to be at the mercy of any outside person or situation as long as we choose to take matters into our own hands and do whatever we can and need to do in order to make changes in ourselves. This way of thinking is so wonderful, so healthy and so empowering, it is also us taking full responsibility for ourselves. We don’t have to put up with anything if we choose not to and this for many cases includes depression.
My revelation turned all my negative beliefs on their head. One day, and really one day, I suddenly realized that if I am the centre of my own misery, my own depression then surely I can also change it?
There are two things involved here. One, external situations we have no control over. For example I would lose a baby, or someone would inflict something negative upon me and I was the target or the receiver in the situation. Internally I would then react badly by becoming depressed, especially to the miscarriages. (internally meaning my thinking and emotions).
External situations or situations we have no control over are those situations where we can’t make our own internal choice whether it happens or not. These are situations beyond our control, whereas internal control comes from us choosing how we are going to manage that situation in terms of how we choose to think about it, negatively or effectively and secondly how we react emotionally, whether negatively or not allow negative emotions or thoughts to take control.
This revelation was a huge one and boiled to the fact that I and I alone had sole control over my reactions to situations. No external person or situation. How can a situation be responsible for my mood? I and I alone am responsible whether I like that fact or not. I either choose to do nothing to help myself out of my depressed state or better still ensure I never get into such a state of depression ever again. I can choose HOW I react to any situation. I CAN take control if I choose. It is not chosen for me by some voodoo. No, I myself choose and if I choose badly, negatively, then yes I will suffer unbearably negative thoughts and scenario’s, unbearably painful emotions and will behave negatively as a result. But all of it is actually of my choosing and the very choice I make for myself in this life that will impact on my well-being. No one forces their will upon me if I don’t choose to allow it, neither can anyone other than myself choose and be responsible for my own mood and how I deal with it apart from me.
I can make excuses and blame the outside factors people, bosses, doctors, situations but the bottom line will always be the same. I am responsible for myself and whether I choose to be positive or negative.
A situation might be a negative one, the situation itself might not be in my control because it’s external, but what is within my control undoubtedly is my internal state. I can choose that and change that, if I so choose.
If I don’t then I have to take the consequences and take the responsibility for having my own choice in the matter. If I choose negatively, so be it, I will have to live with that choice. I do have a choice whether I know it or not, whether I believe it or not, I do.
I can take control which actually feels very nice, very empowering indeed and leaves me in a place where I am NOT at the mercy of another, or a situation. I have the power to stop all that, to think differently, to feel differently if I so choose.
From that day onward all those years ago, from that revelation I developed a new strategy for helping myself out of the doom and gloom by empowering myself, by giving myself the choice, the decision, the prerogative. It felt great because for the fist time in a long time I was back in control of my internal state, my thought processes, my emotional state and lastly the way I reacted to all three. As I say this was way before I knew anything about CBT.
It was amazing, is amazing.
I now know one of the fundamental secrets of life which is that I and I alone am responsible for my choices in thinking, feeling and behaving. I do have this choice and that I have the power to change myself, correct myself and give myself the best quality of life I can, if I so choose. I can also choose to give myself a poor and miserable quality of life where each day is torture or I can choose not to. Whatever is internal to me is my choice, no one can coerce me if I don’t allow it, even my own thought processes which I suddenly learned I do have great control over if I so choose.
We all have choices, we just have to know we do and then we simply need to learn how to make those choices rather than continue to make the negative choices of accepting our negative state as cast in stone and as we are oh so used to doing.
If you do feel this way and I understand those feelings very well, please read on and see if you feel the same by the end of the article.
Firstly, let me say that I do know from first hand experience as well as professionally. Yes, I have suffered from depression and quite serious depression a long time ago and know all about the title and may even have rubbished it myself when I was younger and less knowledgeable than I am today. Today I am much older and fortunately wiser than back then when it was very black and white and cast in stone for me.
My beliefs were the following:
• If I am depressed I am defenseless against it.
• If I am depressed I have no control over the awful negative thoughts in my head that I believe are right anyway.
• If I am depressed I am doomed to a life of negativity because that’s how it is in depression and I have no control over it anyway.
• If I am depressed there is nothing I can do to change my situation.
• If I am depressed I can’t change the way I think, feel or behave, the depression makes me that way and I must accept this as being the way it is.
These were my negative thoughts on my own depression and in those days I believed them. I believed it was my destiny to endure the pain and isolation depression brings with it.
I was wrong!!
My depression was “Reactive Depression” rather than chemically based depression, meaning I would become depression in reaction to certain situations. A bad thing would happen and I would plummet, time after time into wretched depression full of negative thinking, emotions and behavior. I would think doom and gloom. I would feel wretched and want to hide myself away from the world because my mood was so bad. I believed there was no escape from this, which made me feel a hundred times worse. This is what depression can do to us, right? makes us a little crazy.
However, when I was not depressed and was fine I could see another truth. I saw others who had similar experiences to mine who were not in the same state of depression as me. I wondered why and how could this be so? Their perception of the situation must be different to mine if they are fine. My perception clearly wasn’t the same as theirs. One of the things I quickly learned was that there is more than just one truth, more than just one way to see life and what happens to us, and because there is more than one way, more than one truth that explains why different people react differently to any given situation I knew it didn’t need to be this way, all negative.
Of course I also knew it is also dependant on other factors, but one basic truth must be if it is not a chemical problem, that we, each of us individually choose how we ourselves perceive and react to any given situation. That little truth is surely universal?
I wasn’t always depressed, just in those times where something very negative happened and I seemed to have no control over my negative reaction to it.
Let me just say here that Chemical depression is one thing, and reactive depression is another. Mine was definitely the second as many depressive states are. You would need to find out whether or not your particular depression is chemically based or not.
Having a genetic predisposition to depression may account for why some people react more negatively than others to negative situations, but undoubtedly negative situations like loss of any sort, losing a job, which in this day and age is contributing to the number of people suffering from depression. Losing your home, partner, a friend, a pet or even negative input from another can all contribute to the plummet into a depressive episode. For me it was losing a number of babies that was the trigger for me. Over a number of years I lost a lot of babies and we also lost a lot of pets. I don’t know why it was like this, but it was. It was all very depressing and each time I reacted to these situations by becoming depressed.
I would feel I was the only person in the world who suffered this fate as well as the depression that followed it. I became a negative person, seeing the world, my life and my fate in an unhealthily negative way. It was exhausting for me and tiresome for those around me. In fact in the end I distanced myself from people and situations, and they from me. I don’t know which one came first actually, them or me. Even though I was married and had my son, it was a lonely existence which only deepened my depression even further.
It all changed of course. It was a phase in my life, brought about by the repeated loss, but I learned a great deal, hands on so to speak.
There are many reasons why people become depressed. Life can be difficult and unfair, especially in this day and age. It often leaves us understanding little about why we have to go through so much pain and misery in our life.
Over time I saw for myself that people in similar situations to me (miscarriage) did not react in the same way as I had. Their rationale was different to mine. Their perception was different to mine. I should add that all this was before I became a psychologist.
I knew deep inside me that there must be a logical reason for this difference, but in those days believed it was “my makeup’ and that I was doomed to depression. They (for whatever reason) were lucky enough not to experience the same feelings as me. It was destiny one way or the other.
One day however I had a revelation. I suddenly realized that it is not what happens to us that’s important in terms of our well-being within that situation. Rather, it is HOW we perceive the situation and how well or badly we respond or react to that situation that becomes the deciding factor in relation to our mood and thinking.
I suddenly came to the understanding that I and I alone chose how to be. I alone allowed myself to stay in negative mode. I chose how to think, how to feel and how to behave and react to these situations when they arose. It was not a comfortable realization.
I realized that I was my own worst enemy when I was depressed because instead of helping myself out of my plummeting mood and the depression that became a part of it, I allowed it in without resisting it, without fighting it and without telling myself that my mood, my thinking, my reactions, my emotions were purely up to me, no one else on the outside, just me. This was before my days of CBT unfortunately.
I realized that in some mad way I chose to stay in the state of depression. I chose to live in it, in that state. I could choose differently, but didn’t.
I was so used to being depressed by now that it felt as though I really had no control over any of it. If a bad situation arose I would be straight there, my mood would drop like a ton of bricks leaving me in a place that by now I knew so well.
I was brought up in different times than those of today. I was brought up to believe others are responsible for making me better and that we have little say in the matter and even less control. In those days that kind of thinking was quite normal in our family. How absolutely wrong that attitude is.
Today a far healthier view is taken, which is that we individuals can be very instrumental in our own well-being. That we can choose and make things happen for ourselves and that we don’t have to be at the mercy of any outside person or situation as long as we choose to take matters into our own hands and do whatever we can and need to do in order to make changes in ourselves. This way of thinking is so wonderful, so healthy and so empowering, it is also us taking full responsibility for ourselves. We don’t have to put up with anything if we choose not to and this for many cases includes depression.
My revelation turned all my negative beliefs on their head. One day, and really one day, I suddenly realized that if I am the centre of my own misery, my own depression then surely I can also change it?
There are two things involved here. One, external situations we have no control over. For example I would lose a baby, or someone would inflict something negative upon me and I was the target or the receiver in the situation. Internally I would then react badly by becoming depressed, especially to the miscarriages. (internally meaning my thinking and emotions).
External situations or situations we have no control over are those situations where we can’t make our own internal choice whether it happens or not. These are situations beyond our control, whereas internal control comes from us choosing how we are going to manage that situation in terms of how we choose to think about it, negatively or effectively and secondly how we react emotionally, whether negatively or not allow negative emotions or thoughts to take control.
This revelation was a huge one and boiled to the fact that I and I alone had sole control over my reactions to situations. No external person or situation. How can a situation be responsible for my mood? I and I alone am responsible whether I like that fact or not. I either choose to do nothing to help myself out of my depressed state or better still ensure I never get into such a state of depression ever again. I can choose HOW I react to any situation. I CAN take control if I choose. It is not chosen for me by some voodoo. No, I myself choose and if I choose badly, negatively, then yes I will suffer unbearably negative thoughts and scenario’s, unbearably painful emotions and will behave negatively as a result. But all of it is actually of my choosing and the very choice I make for myself in this life that will impact on my well-being. No one forces their will upon me if I don’t choose to allow it, neither can anyone other than myself choose and be responsible for my own mood and how I deal with it apart from me.
I can make excuses and blame the outside factors people, bosses, doctors, situations but the bottom line will always be the same. I am responsible for myself and whether I choose to be positive or negative.
A situation might be a negative one, the situation itself might not be in my control because it’s external, but what is within my control undoubtedly is my internal state. I can choose that and change that, if I so choose.
If I don’t then I have to take the consequences and take the responsibility for having my own choice in the matter. If I choose negatively, so be it, I will have to live with that choice. I do have a choice whether I know it or not, whether I believe it or not, I do.
I can take control which actually feels very nice, very empowering indeed and leaves me in a place where I am NOT at the mercy of another, or a situation. I have the power to stop all that, to think differently, to feel differently if I so choose.
From that day onward all those years ago, from that revelation I developed a new strategy for helping myself out of the doom and gloom by empowering myself, by giving myself the choice, the decision, the prerogative. It felt great because for the fist time in a long time I was back in control of my internal state, my thought processes, my emotional state and lastly the way I reacted to all three. As I say this was way before I knew anything about CBT.
It was amazing, is amazing.
I now know one of the fundamental secrets of life which is that I and I alone am responsible for my choices in thinking, feeling and behaving. I do have this choice and that I have the power to change myself, correct myself and give myself the best quality of life I can, if I so choose. I can also choose to give myself a poor and miserable quality of life where each day is torture or I can choose not to. Whatever is internal to me is my choice, no one can coerce me if I don’t allow it, even my own thought processes which I suddenly learned I do have great control over if I so choose.
We all have choices, we just have to know we do and then we simply need to learn how to make those choices rather than continue to make the negative choices of accepting our negative state as cast in stone and as we are oh so used to doing.
Thoughts are just thoughts: How we are conditioned to believe our thoughts are facts
For some mysterious reason when we feel depressed or anxious or stressed we often believe that the thoughts we are having, especially when they are negative ones, are FACT. "I am depressed it's all hopeless" becomes a statement of truth simply because we think it.
The "truth" is that thoughts are no more than that, thoughts. They are not fact, not necessarily the truth, whatever the truth might be and assuming there is one. Thoughts are those things we think up in our heads, or that pop up whenever they feel like it, interfering with our ability to think in a reasoned way.
"I am depressed it's all hopeless" It is a fact so what hope is there? I thought it, so it must be true??? Really?
We often rely on whatever thought happens to come popping into our head at any given moment. We believe it and often act in relation to it. For example: " If it's all really hopeless I might as well give up now, why bother, nothing is going to change anyway, so what is the point?" By now the simple negative automatic thought has become a full blown story with a bad ending. Each time the same situation repeats itself, so the same old story with the same bad ending repeats itself. This is all because we took a single thought and turned it into a reality, (which it is not) instead of seeing it for what it really is, just a thought, a negative one at that.
Why would we choose to turn a thought into our own movie with a bad ending? The movie gets played in our head as vividly as if it were fact and happening as we speak. The problem is that it is not really happening. The only place it is happening is inside the head where thoughts that should be passing thoughts take on a different dimension and become all knowing. They suddenly become masters of the universe together with all the secrets of the universe, not to be questioned or challenged. Instead of simply being passing thoughts that at best we owe ourselves to at least challenge before deciding their validity, they are now the thing we worship unquestionably. We believe these negative automatic thoughts and somehow know what's what and that they have the wisdom to know.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Negative automatic thoughts are "Toxic" thoughts because we don't bother to stop and think and check whether or not they are rational. They are called NAT's and not "Intelligent thoughts" because they are automatic, without thought, and always portray a negative picture which we, for some strange reason turn can into the movie that then gets played in our head as a real story happening in real time. The problem is as I said before, thoughts are only thoughts, they do not necessarily represent reality and that is why it is dangerous to accept them as reality before checking and challenging them.
Thoughts are there for us to use, to think about, discriminate with, not to be dictated by them, or blindly accept. They can be tools if we use them wisely, but it is important to remember what they are, thoughts, just thoughts. They may be clever, wise, dangerous, wonderful, depressive, happy, positive or negative. They can be anything and as long as they don't dictate “truth” to us and as long as we are in control of them, and consciously aware of them, then all will be fine. The moment we are controlled and dictated by them we are in trouble.
Thoughts may be valid or not, (valid, not true) but in order to know you'd need to test them out, challenge them from every perspective possible. You'd need to do this consciously so that you know whether or not you reacted in a conditioned way without thinking or consciously. You want to know it consciously, not unconsciously. You want to differentiate between those things based on facts, and those based on assumptions or conditioning, and deal with both.
If you are depressed does it mean it's all hopeless? No it does not. Why not? Because when you are conscious and not stuck in conditioned state you are completely at liberty to change your state and situation. I don't say this lightly, it may not be easy to change, but it certainly doesn't mean it's all hopeless. If you give up it might be hopeless. If you believe it is hopeless, then it will be, but what if you decide, "No, I won't allow these thoughts to control me. There is a way and I am going to find it". You become master or mistress, not words or thoughts…. As I say, thoughts are just thoughts. You can't touch them, but you can change them.
Have your say and comment on this article. Your voice is important here. We are all here to learn from each other
The "truth" is that thoughts are no more than that, thoughts. They are not fact, not necessarily the truth, whatever the truth might be and assuming there is one. Thoughts are those things we think up in our heads, or that pop up whenever they feel like it, interfering with our ability to think in a reasoned way.
"I am depressed it's all hopeless" It is a fact so what hope is there? I thought it, so it must be true??? Really?
We often rely on whatever thought happens to come popping into our head at any given moment. We believe it and often act in relation to it. For example: " If it's all really hopeless I might as well give up now, why bother, nothing is going to change anyway, so what is the point?" By now the simple negative automatic thought has become a full blown story with a bad ending. Each time the same situation repeats itself, so the same old story with the same bad ending repeats itself. This is all because we took a single thought and turned it into a reality, (which it is not) instead of seeing it for what it really is, just a thought, a negative one at that.
Why would we choose to turn a thought into our own movie with a bad ending? The movie gets played in our head as vividly as if it were fact and happening as we speak. The problem is that it is not really happening. The only place it is happening is inside the head where thoughts that should be passing thoughts take on a different dimension and become all knowing. They suddenly become masters of the universe together with all the secrets of the universe, not to be questioned or challenged. Instead of simply being passing thoughts that at best we owe ourselves to at least challenge before deciding their validity, they are now the thing we worship unquestionably. We believe these negative automatic thoughts and somehow know what's what and that they have the wisdom to know.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Negative automatic thoughts are "Toxic" thoughts because we don't bother to stop and think and check whether or not they are rational. They are called NAT's and not "Intelligent thoughts" because they are automatic, without thought, and always portray a negative picture which we, for some strange reason turn can into the movie that then gets played in our head as a real story happening in real time. The problem is as I said before, thoughts are only thoughts, they do not necessarily represent reality and that is why it is dangerous to accept them as reality before checking and challenging them.
Thoughts are there for us to use, to think about, discriminate with, not to be dictated by them, or blindly accept. They can be tools if we use them wisely, but it is important to remember what they are, thoughts, just thoughts. They may be clever, wise, dangerous, wonderful, depressive, happy, positive or negative. They can be anything and as long as they don't dictate “truth” to us and as long as we are in control of them, and consciously aware of them, then all will be fine. The moment we are controlled and dictated by them we are in trouble.
Thoughts may be valid or not, (valid, not true) but in order to know you'd need to test them out, challenge them from every perspective possible. You'd need to do this consciously so that you know whether or not you reacted in a conditioned way without thinking or consciously. You want to know it consciously, not unconsciously. You want to differentiate between those things based on facts, and those based on assumptions or conditioning, and deal with both.
If you are depressed does it mean it's all hopeless? No it does not. Why not? Because when you are conscious and not stuck in conditioned state you are completely at liberty to change your state and situation. I don't say this lightly, it may not be easy to change, but it certainly doesn't mean it's all hopeless. If you give up it might be hopeless. If you believe it is hopeless, then it will be, but what if you decide, "No, I won't allow these thoughts to control me. There is a way and I am going to find it". You become master or mistress, not words or thoughts…. As I say, thoughts are just thoughts. You can't touch them, but you can change them.
Have your say and comment on this article. Your voice is important here. We are all here to learn from each other
The Importance of Learning HOW to Become More Conscious.
If you suffer from depression, anxiety, stress or any other unmanageable state, you may have noticed that it is difficult to remain focused for very long, if at all. You drift into all sorts of thoughts unconsciously (often negative thoughts) and are no longer in a fully conscious state. In relation to depression or stress related problems this is bad news because if you are not conscious, you cannot be master or mistress of your own mind. If you are not master or mistress you have no control over what you think, feel or how you behave. You will be controlled and dictated to by your negative automatic thoughts, you will not be the one in control. This state is not an option because more than ever, you need to be able to be in control of your mind.
Q: How do I learn to take control of my thoughts so that they do not control me, rather I control them?
A: The first answer is that if you want to be back in control of your thoughts which ultimately impact on your emotions and behavior, then learning HOW to consciously take control of your thinking is the first step.
Q: How do I do that?
A: You learn the techniques of "Conscious awareness" that are necessary and that will give you the right tools. These techniques teach you "HOW" and "WHAT" you need to do and in doing so, give you the tools you need.
Q: Where do I learn these techniques?
A: Here on this site. We have our self help program that take you through step by step, teaching you the techniques and giving you the tools.
It's simple, If you aren't conscious and can't concentrate or focus, you won't be able to use the techniques that will help you rid yourself of your symptoms. It is completely impossible. Think about it. If you aren't even aware that you aren't aware, you will never be able to control your negative thoughts. If you can't control your negative thoughts, you won't be able to control your feelings or behavior for the simple reason that you are not in control of them. You can't be in control of your thoughts if you are not conscious, your thoughts will always control you, because you certainly won't be in a position to control them. If you aren’t conscious, you also can’t control what type of thoughts you have, whether they are unconscious thoughts, reactive thoughts, negative or conditioned thoughts. If you can’t control any of this, you are not master or mistress of your thinking and if you are not, you will be at the mercy of them. This is not where you want to be.
However, as hopeless as this all sounds, it isn't the case at all. It isn't hopeless. You have now taken the first step, which is become aware (or conscious) of not being aware. You are here on this site to learn the techniques and you will soon have the tools you need t be in control of your own mind.
The next step is to learn "HOW" to change the above situation. Realizing the importance of "Consciousness" is certainly a major step in the right direction. Once you have taken that first and vital step, you can be sure you are on your way, simply remember that consciousness gives you control. It helps you to home in on yourself and ask the important questions necessary if you truly want to help yourself.
For example, if you are oblivious to the fact that negative thinking controls you, then you will have no way of dealing with the problem. For example, let's say this negative thought suddenly appears: "I am a failure, I hate myself". For whatever reason it appeared, some trigger went off and the thought was there in your head before you had the chance to think about it or stop it. At this point you don't even question whether that thought is true or not, the chances are you accept it simply because it appeared. Why would anyone do that? But it is a fact that in a state of depression or anxiety or panic we do accept it, irrational as that may be, and it is irrational. After all, we'd like to think that in our lives we do actually think about whether we are thinking rationally or not, or whether we are thinking at all or just mindlessly and unconsciously reacting to a specific situation, without thought or consciousness.
Maybe we are so used to these negative thoughts we don't even think about them or question them. Maybe they are so much a part of us, we assume they are telling us the truth.. They become as much a part of us as the air we breath, so much so that we become confused with what is rational and what is not. We accept these thoughts like the good and conditioned people we are without doubting or challenging them, we just automatically believe them. MISTAKE!!
We can change this situation if we are conscious, but can't if we are not, because we can only consciously act if we are actually conscious. We can do nothing if we are not. Only when we are conscious do we have the ability to question and challenge ourselves, our thoughts, feelings and behavior. It is simple, our conditioning can be toxic if we are ruled by it. However, being conscious enough to ask ourselves the right questions before the conditioning takes over is a completely different matter.
What are the right Questions?
Here is one list.
Q: Was I actually thinking consciously or not when those thoughts came rushing into my head? Y N
Q: Or, was I reacting unconsciously because of my conditioning? Y N
Q: What is my conditioning?
Q: How aware am I of my conditioning?
Q: Were the thoughts really well thought out or not? Y N
Q: Was I being rational or not? Y N
Q: Is there another way to perceive the same problem?
Q: If there is have I tried?
Q: Do my thoughts control me or do I control them?
Q: If they control me, why do they?
Q: If the answer is because I never thought about it enough to question it, then how do I begin to think about my thoughts, analyze, them and challenge them in a more productive way?
Think about the questions and write the answers down, then study them.
The answer goes back to the beginning. When you are consciously aware, all of the above answers to those questions will have been well thought out, conscious and rational answers. You will then be in a position to challenge yourself on them, and for this reason, it is vital to learn the technique. When you function in "Unconscious mode" you can't help yourself so that is not an option.
The third video tutorial "Learning to Become Consciously aware" teaches you the techniques you will need. Just follow the video, watch it as many times as you need to and practice the techniques until you feel comfortable with what you have learned. It will take some time to integrate what you learn, but don't worry, that's perfectly normal.
Hopefully after reading the article and studying the video you will experience great changes in the way you approach your negative thoughts.
We are all here to learn so please have your say and tell us what you think of this article.
Q: How do I learn to take control of my thoughts so that they do not control me, rather I control them?
A: The first answer is that if you want to be back in control of your thoughts which ultimately impact on your emotions and behavior, then learning HOW to consciously take control of your thinking is the first step.
Q: How do I do that?
A: You learn the techniques of "Conscious awareness" that are necessary and that will give you the right tools. These techniques teach you "HOW" and "WHAT" you need to do and in doing so, give you the tools you need.
Q: Where do I learn these techniques?
A: Here on this site. We have our self help program that take you through step by step, teaching you the techniques and giving you the tools.
It's simple, If you aren't conscious and can't concentrate or focus, you won't be able to use the techniques that will help you rid yourself of your symptoms. It is completely impossible. Think about it. If you aren't even aware that you aren't aware, you will never be able to control your negative thoughts. If you can't control your negative thoughts, you won't be able to control your feelings or behavior for the simple reason that you are not in control of them. You can't be in control of your thoughts if you are not conscious, your thoughts will always control you, because you certainly won't be in a position to control them. If you aren’t conscious, you also can’t control what type of thoughts you have, whether they are unconscious thoughts, reactive thoughts, negative or conditioned thoughts. If you can’t control any of this, you are not master or mistress of your thinking and if you are not, you will be at the mercy of them. This is not where you want to be.
However, as hopeless as this all sounds, it isn't the case at all. It isn't hopeless. You have now taken the first step, which is become aware (or conscious) of not being aware. You are here on this site to learn the techniques and you will soon have the tools you need t be in control of your own mind.
The next step is to learn "HOW" to change the above situation. Realizing the importance of "Consciousness" is certainly a major step in the right direction. Once you have taken that first and vital step, you can be sure you are on your way, simply remember that consciousness gives you control. It helps you to home in on yourself and ask the important questions necessary if you truly want to help yourself.
For example, if you are oblivious to the fact that negative thinking controls you, then you will have no way of dealing with the problem. For example, let's say this negative thought suddenly appears: "I am a failure, I hate myself". For whatever reason it appeared, some trigger went off and the thought was there in your head before you had the chance to think about it or stop it. At this point you don't even question whether that thought is true or not, the chances are you accept it simply because it appeared. Why would anyone do that? But it is a fact that in a state of depression or anxiety or panic we do accept it, irrational as that may be, and it is irrational. After all, we'd like to think that in our lives we do actually think about whether we are thinking rationally or not, or whether we are thinking at all or just mindlessly and unconsciously reacting to a specific situation, without thought or consciousness.
Maybe we are so used to these negative thoughts we don't even think about them or question them. Maybe they are so much a part of us, we assume they are telling us the truth.. They become as much a part of us as the air we breath, so much so that we become confused with what is rational and what is not. We accept these thoughts like the good and conditioned people we are without doubting or challenging them, we just automatically believe them. MISTAKE!!
We can change this situation if we are conscious, but can't if we are not, because we can only consciously act if we are actually conscious. We can do nothing if we are not. Only when we are conscious do we have the ability to question and challenge ourselves, our thoughts, feelings and behavior. It is simple, our conditioning can be toxic if we are ruled by it. However, being conscious enough to ask ourselves the right questions before the conditioning takes over is a completely different matter.
What are the right Questions?
Here is one list.
Q: Was I actually thinking consciously or not when those thoughts came rushing into my head? Y N
Q: Or, was I reacting unconsciously because of my conditioning? Y N
Q: What is my conditioning?
Q: How aware am I of my conditioning?
Q: Were the thoughts really well thought out or not? Y N
Q: Was I being rational or not? Y N
Q: Is there another way to perceive the same problem?
Q: If there is have I tried?
Q: Do my thoughts control me or do I control them?
Q: If they control me, why do they?
Q: If the answer is because I never thought about it enough to question it, then how do I begin to think about my thoughts, analyze, them and challenge them in a more productive way?
Think about the questions and write the answers down, then study them.
The answer goes back to the beginning. When you are consciously aware, all of the above answers to those questions will have been well thought out, conscious and rational answers. You will then be in a position to challenge yourself on them, and for this reason, it is vital to learn the technique. When you function in "Unconscious mode" you can't help yourself so that is not an option.
The third video tutorial "Learning to Become Consciously aware" teaches you the techniques you will need. Just follow the video, watch it as many times as you need to and practice the techniques until you feel comfortable with what you have learned. It will take some time to integrate what you learn, but don't worry, that's perfectly normal.
Hopefully after reading the article and studying the video you will experience great changes in the way you approach your negative thoughts.
We are all here to learn so please have your say and tell us what you think of this article.
Why is negative thinking toxic?
We have all been there. (me, many times)…..We have all experienced the dreaded negative thoughts that just pop into our head due to some trigger or other, and before we know it we feel bad.
It goes like this: Our negative automatic thoughts affect our emotions which in turn affect our behavior and before we know it we have lost control of it all three. We can also behave in destructive ways that then affect out emotions. It doesn’t matter which way round we do it, negative thoughts, emotions and behavior can have a very toxic affect on us, with negative thoughts leading the game.
Don’t you find it becomes tedious dealing with it all over and over? The strange thing is that it is so easy to slip into this mode, but far more difficult to get of it.
When we don’t think negatively we don’t feel negative, and when we don’t feel negative we don’t behave negatively. It’s all much healthier. It is such a viscous cycle, it’s a mystery to me why we let it repeat itself so often when we know how bad it is for our total well being.
Why would we do that to ourselves? Why punish ourselves in this way? Yet it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that anyone who has suffered from depression, anxiety, stress, panic attacks, low self esteem, social anxiety and much more, will have experienced negative automatic thoughts many, many times, probably too many times to count.
The sad truth is that these negative automatic thoughts invade not only our mind, but our emotions and our behavior. Without these NAT”s (negative automatic thoughts) we would certainly feel much better and we’d behave better and more rationally, which is difficult when we are bombarded with negative and toxic thoughts.
Why are they toxic? Simply because they do poison us, they poison our mind, emotions and behavior. They control us, rather than us controlling them. They dictate to us what to think, how to feel and how to behave, and we as good obedient children do as those toxic thoughts tell us believing their every word. Why we would choose to believe them is a mystery to me, but we do unless taught differently.
If you think about it, it is crazy to allow ourselves and our whole being to be controlled in this way. What is worse is that we are controlled by something so bad for our mental and emotional health and well-being as well as our soul.. yet we can allow it to continue indefinitely, accepting that this is how it is for us, when in fact it can be very different indeed.
How can we hope to be happy under such conditions? We can’t unless we change. If we want to take charge of our lives, our thinking and emotions and how we carry out our lives, so we’d better get back our control back NOW.
If you haven’t yet managed to rid yourself of these demons which plagues millions of people every day, and you would like to, you can do so. It takes learning of course, but there is a way that works. I know because I teach it and will happily teach it to all those bloggers interested.
If you are looking forward to a better quality of life, free from toxic thoughts, if you want to start being in control of your mind, then take a look at module five of the program on NAT’s. It should convince you how TOXIC NAT’s are.
It goes like this: Our negative automatic thoughts affect our emotions which in turn affect our behavior and before we know it we have lost control of it all three. We can also behave in destructive ways that then affect out emotions. It doesn’t matter which way round we do it, negative thoughts, emotions and behavior can have a very toxic affect on us, with negative thoughts leading the game.
Don’t you find it becomes tedious dealing with it all over and over? The strange thing is that it is so easy to slip into this mode, but far more difficult to get of it.
When we don’t think negatively we don’t feel negative, and when we don’t feel negative we don’t behave negatively. It’s all much healthier. It is such a viscous cycle, it’s a mystery to me why we let it repeat itself so often when we know how bad it is for our total well being.
Why would we do that to ourselves? Why punish ourselves in this way? Yet it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that anyone who has suffered from depression, anxiety, stress, panic attacks, low self esteem, social anxiety and much more, will have experienced negative automatic thoughts many, many times, probably too many times to count.
The sad truth is that these negative automatic thoughts invade not only our mind, but our emotions and our behavior. Without these NAT”s (negative automatic thoughts) we would certainly feel much better and we’d behave better and more rationally, which is difficult when we are bombarded with negative and toxic thoughts.
Why are they toxic? Simply because they do poison us, they poison our mind, emotions and behavior. They control us, rather than us controlling them. They dictate to us what to think, how to feel and how to behave, and we as good obedient children do as those toxic thoughts tell us believing their every word. Why we would choose to believe them is a mystery to me, but we do unless taught differently.
If you think about it, it is crazy to allow ourselves and our whole being to be controlled in this way. What is worse is that we are controlled by something so bad for our mental and emotional health and well-being as well as our soul.. yet we can allow it to continue indefinitely, accepting that this is how it is for us, when in fact it can be very different indeed.
How can we hope to be happy under such conditions? We can’t unless we change. If we want to take charge of our lives, our thinking and emotions and how we carry out our lives, so we’d better get back our control back NOW.
If you haven’t yet managed to rid yourself of these demons which plagues millions of people every day, and you would like to, you can do so. It takes learning of course, but there is a way that works. I know because I teach it and will happily teach it to all those bloggers interested.
If you are looking forward to a better quality of life, free from toxic thoughts, if you want to start being in control of your mind, then take a look at module five of the program on NAT’s. It should convince you how TOXIC NAT’s are.
Making conscious decisions and choices
There is so much to earn in this life. Do we ever get “There” wherever “there” is?? I don’t believe we do because there is always something new round the corner to learn.
Back to the question of: “How do we gain wisdom”??? Again from my own experience, it seems to me that to make wise choices in this life we need to be conscious and make conscious choices, conscious decisions.
Can it be wise if we don’t consciously examine firstly why we are doing something in a particular way rather than another? There needs to be good reason, not no reason. If the reason is because that’s what we did before, so we do it again and again regardless of whether it’s the right thing now or not then that is a mindless way.
I learned a long time ago that making a decision without thinking it through first was not a wise or clever thing to do. How could it be? If I didn’t even bother to think enough, examine myself and why I was going to do something, then how could I expect a good outcome? Acting mindlessly is toxic, and it’s good to know that. The least we owe ourselves is to have good reason for our actions and decisions. It’s OK to get it wrong and OK to admit to a mistake.
There was a time when I when I would do something regardless of whether it might cause someone pain, or sometimes I just didn’t think about the consequences of my actions enough. I am talking about many years ago now and lucky for me I took all that, looked long and hard and learned from it, making me far wiser than had I not bothered to take a look and act on what I saw.
Making conscious decisions means that we do at least question as to whether a particular decision is a good one or not. I started to do this as I truly wanted to be wiser than I was at the time. I decided that I needed to take a careful and analytical look at what I was doing, and work out whether or not the decisions I did make were well enough thought through. Decisions are gold dust, gifts. They also send us in a certain direction. I wanted to make sure that direction was the best one at that particular time.
I also decided that it was inevitable that I would make many mistakes along the way and that it was all part of the learning process. Suddenly, I could happily tell people around me where necessary “Sorry I don’t know”, “Sorry, yes you are right, I got that wrong”. In fact, to have the ability to do that is a wise move, after all we are all here to learn on this earth, and it is not shameful to make a mistake. In fact it is only a courageous person who can admit to his or her mistakes and clever person who learns from them!!.
The bottom line is that if we want to do the best for ourselves, we need to do it all consciously. Make conscious decisions that are well thought out instead of jumping in unconsciously. Informed decisions are preferable to uninformed decisions.
Uninformed decisions can cost us dearly in life, so it’s really in our own interest to really think!!
Have your say, let’s hear your views on this, write on the forum. We are all here to learn from each other!!
Back to the question of: “How do we gain wisdom”??? Again from my own experience, it seems to me that to make wise choices in this life we need to be conscious and make conscious choices, conscious decisions.
Can it be wise if we don’t consciously examine firstly why we are doing something in a particular way rather than another? There needs to be good reason, not no reason. If the reason is because that’s what we did before, so we do it again and again regardless of whether it’s the right thing now or not then that is a mindless way.
I learned a long time ago that making a decision without thinking it through first was not a wise or clever thing to do. How could it be? If I didn’t even bother to think enough, examine myself and why I was going to do something, then how could I expect a good outcome? Acting mindlessly is toxic, and it’s good to know that. The least we owe ourselves is to have good reason for our actions and decisions. It’s OK to get it wrong and OK to admit to a mistake.
There was a time when I when I would do something regardless of whether it might cause someone pain, or sometimes I just didn’t think about the consequences of my actions enough. I am talking about many years ago now and lucky for me I took all that, looked long and hard and learned from it, making me far wiser than had I not bothered to take a look and act on what I saw.
Making conscious decisions means that we do at least question as to whether a particular decision is a good one or not. I started to do this as I truly wanted to be wiser than I was at the time. I decided that I needed to take a careful and analytical look at what I was doing, and work out whether or not the decisions I did make were well enough thought through. Decisions are gold dust, gifts. They also send us in a certain direction. I wanted to make sure that direction was the best one at that particular time.
I also decided that it was inevitable that I would make many mistakes along the way and that it was all part of the learning process. Suddenly, I could happily tell people around me where necessary “Sorry I don’t know”, “Sorry, yes you are right, I got that wrong”. In fact, to have the ability to do that is a wise move, after all we are all here to learn on this earth, and it is not shameful to make a mistake. In fact it is only a courageous person who can admit to his or her mistakes and clever person who learns from them!!.
The bottom line is that if we want to do the best for ourselves, we need to do it all consciously. Make conscious decisions that are well thought out instead of jumping in unconsciously. Informed decisions are preferable to uninformed decisions.
Uninformed decisions can cost us dearly in life, so it’s really in our own interest to really think!!
Have your say, let’s hear your views on this, write on the forum. We are all here to learn from each other!!
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